A Love Encounter With Christ

Today, I had a love encounter with Christ. The past couple of weeks, although tiring and hard, have been a time of awakening-or the beginning of an awakening for me. And especially since this past Thursday, I really have just felt God draw so near to me and felt him showing me more of himself known to me. His presence has been in this place-wherever this place has been exactly. I guess you could say it's been all over the place. Thursday I was sitting at Pearl Cup coffee house, Friday I was outside at Turtle Creek Park, and today I find myself at Treasure Cay Island in the Bahamas. This "place" has not been stationary. It's moved across boarders and even across the country lines. But by no means has that stopped the Lord from being here. Right here, right now, in this place. Where I am, there he has been. He has been awakening my heart, drawing me closer to the heart of God and bringing me to times of complete stillness. Times where I can just stop and be. Times where for the moment, the world seems to stop and all else fades. And I am left alone with Jesus. Surrounded by my maker's presence and captivated by his beauty, his goodness and the greatnsss of his creation. He stops me long enough so I can listen and really hear him. He stops me so I can really feel him-all around me. I am in that place, that still-time moment where I cant help but smile and pray and praise him. Call out for him to be my everything. Call out for him to take all of it-all of my wants, my needs, desires, passions, disappointments, fears, inadequate feelings, sins, all of it-to take it and steal my life. All of who I am all of who I hope and dream and wish to be, all of what I think I'm not-and make it his. Because I am his. My life is his life.

A beautiful love encounter with Jesus. And what's even cooler, is even thought he past few days have been a re occurring love encounter with him, I know its not even about the "feeling" per se. And so I have hope, that even though my heart still desires for this "feeling" that comes with this love encounter to be even more powerful and more real, I know its okay. Because its still just as real, just as powerful, and just as much from God as anything. So I am thankful for that. It is so much more than the feeling of it all. And that, I cannot help but think is a blessing. For the Lord to reveal himself even more beyond feelings. He is that big and that capable to be able to do such a thing. As humans, we constantly rely on the "feeling" of it all, or more so, the "right feeling." The right feeling of the first kiss, the right feeling of success, the right feeling of acceptance and love. But the truth is, all of these feelings are measured according to worldly standards. We look to the world to provide us with the answer as to what an adequate feeling is, to what a meaningful, the most meaningful feeling, really feels like. It almost makes me laugh, because God is so much bigger than that! So much bigger and more powerful then any of those feelings. Those feelings are only big enough to stick in a bottle. Those feelings barely scratch the surface. Those feelings could be kept inside a box and would never be pressing hard enough to escape because they are that small and trapped and limited. God is bigger. I am here to tell you, that God is bigger then that bottle, bigger then that box. God doesn't just scratch the surface. He explodes it.

Lord I pray that you put this fear of mine to rest. A fear that you are already completely aware of. You knew about it before I did. You know my hearts' needs before I do. So this fear of mine-that this passion I have to draw near to you will soon fade-well that this very fear, you were already aware of. And I want to surrender it to you God. I don't want to believe in it because it is a lie. Lord may I surrender this fear of mine, completely to you. Do not let it sink into me as truth. Overcome this fear Lord. And so instead of believing this, I cry out to you these lyrics that speak so well to my heart (David Crowder):

Send me a sign. A hint. A whisper.

Throw me a light. Cuz I am listening.

Come break the quiet. Breathe your awakening.

Bring me the light. Cuz I am fading.

Surround me with a rush of angels, awake.

Shine your lights o I can see you.

Pull me up, I need to be near you.

Hold me, I need to feel loved.

Can you overcome this heart thats overcome?

This Lord, is a prayer of my heart. I pray for, day after day, more love encounters with you. I will continue to draw near to you Lord. And you promise in James 4:8, that if I do then you will draw near to me.

James 4:8

Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.

So I will hold onto that promise. I pray for continued awakening. Awaken this heart of mine. Open these eyes. That I may be completely aware of my creator. That i may be totally overwhelmed by your presence, your jealous love of a hurricane for me, and completely in awe of our beauty, your great affection for me, and the great power of your hands. I pray that you will do whatever you have to do to wake up this sleepy heart of mine and set it on fire for you alone-my Savior, my God. This is a prayer that I have been coming to you with for quite some time. But like you tell me in Matthew 7:7-8, I will continue knocking at your door, seeking you, asking you to answer Lord. And according to your will and perfect timing, I know you will.

Matthew 7:7-8

Ask and it will be given to you, seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives, and he who seeks, finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.

But I must draw near to you. This is a conviction you have made known to me and I thank you for making me aware of that. That I must draw near to you. Something I have neglected doing for quite some time. I have been complacent in my drawing near to you. And for that I cannot do anything but seek your forgiveness. I must draw near to you and seek you. Lord you will find me. You will wake me up, reveal more of who you are to me, set my heart on fire for you so that I cant help but fall on my knees in a beautiful surrender and in complete worship for who you are. I want to encounter more real then ever, the love of God. Blow up my mind God. Open my heart God and open up my spirit God-to you and to a love encounter with you. On that goes deeper then the deepest of blue seas.

And Lord I pray this for my friends as well. That their hearts and spirits would be opened to you and to a love encounter with you. More real than ever before. Lord I pray the lyrics to "How he loves" (David Crowder)

He is jealous for me.

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree

Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy

When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions, eclipsed by glory

And I realize just how beautiful you are

And how great your affections are for me

And O, how he loves us all

O, how he loves us

How he loves us all

Yeah, he loves us, O, how he loves us

O, how he loves us, O, how he loves us.

A beautiful love encounter with our creator Jesus. Thank you Lord, with everything I have, thank you. Spirit fall down on me.

"Spirit Fall" (Phil Wickham)

How we need your light, guide us in your grace, guide us home

Lord, be all that we can see

We ask for you to come, we are on our knees

Save us by your grace. Lead us home

Spirit, fall. Hear the voices of, your children call out to you

We bow down. Hear the broken heart.

Have mercy on us now

Love is pouring from your heart

Hope is in your hands, life is in your arms

Here in your embrace, we are home

Glory, all the power is yours, Amen.

Yellow Light: Time to Slow Down

Reading through the Ragamuffin Gospel last night, I cam upon Psalm 8. After turning the lights off, my music was playing softly and as I listened I heard lyrics that closely resembled this Psalm from Third Day’s “The Offering.” When things like this happen, I cannot help but think God is trying to get my attention…and when I open my heart to his truth and my eyes and ears to the many ways he may chose to speak to me, I find him in things like what happened tonight: scripture and song lyrics colliding. Scripture that was pulled from a book I am reading. It is times like these, where although some may call it coincidence, I like to think of it as God calling our attention to really listen. He grabs at our hearts and steal sour eyes and thoughts from anything that may be consuming or distracting us. And in a quiet still moment like last night, as I lie awake simply breathing, the Lord opened my heart to receive his truth.

Many times I find myself frustrated, thinking I am never hearing or seeing God. Frustrated, feeling my heart is receiving nothing. But then God reminds me, as he humbles me completely, that it is not that he is not speaking to me, moving all around me and through me, or pouring into my heart all the time-but rather I am simply too busy to listen. Too busy to watch and to feel. I am the one too busy for God, not the other way around. Imagine that, ironic isn’t it? We are always so anxious and determined and thirsty to FEEL something. Yet all along we are too busy or distracted to feel the most important thing of all-the only thing that can truly fulfill all of our deepest longings and desires. God is constantly pouring his Holy Spirit into our hearts, just has he says in Titus 3: 5-6 “He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior.” And he constantly is showing us and teaching us his truth. We simply don’t take the time to look around us, to open our eyes and our ears. We get consumed and distracted by this all too busy world.

I believe in the power of calling on Christ to open our hearts, eyes, ears and minds to him. But I also believe that we must be willing to submit ourselves completely to him. For until we do, we will only continue to be too busy to see and hear and feel his truth. I cannot explain the peace that comes over me as I call on Christ, “Come Lord Jesus, Come” on an evening like last night…where I am completely still, letting all thoughts be carried away like the tides of the ocean. And as I call on him to meet me in this place, to quiet my heart and my busy mind, firmly believing that he will answer…well it is times like these where I hear him. I am no longer too busy to notice the connection between a song, a book and scripture. Coincidence though it may seem-I trust that I is God getting through to me and making me listing by ringing something like that in my heart. Coincidence after all is simply God’s way of reminding us he’s present. It is in the simple and quiet moments, when we allow God to speak rather then trying to do all the talking, that God may reveal himself in the most real and radical ways. He is never far away. If we would only take the time to slow down, watch and listen. I think then we would find a taste of serenity being completely filled by his presence in this place-completely aware of his love and the pouring out of this Holy Spirit onto us.

Psalm 8: 1, 3-4 “O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all of the earth! When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place, what is man that you are mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?”

“Offering” (Third Day): “Magnificent, Holy Father. I stand in awe of all I see. Of all the things you have created, and still you choose to think of me. Who am I that you should suffer your very life to set me free? The only thing that I can give you is the very life you gave to me. This is my offering, dear Lord.”

The Pulse of a Beating Heart

I am blessed. The Lord has blessed me in countless ways through he gift of community, relationships and love in friendship. When I look around I cannot help but notice that my world would be of so much less value and so less meaningful if I didn’t have the ones I love surrounding me. Last night I was reminded of just how precious, important and meaningful relationships and community really is. The joy that comes form love in friendship is unmistakable and irreplaceable. It is unique and rare. And something that should be, and can never be treasured too much. Yes the accountability part is difficult. And yes so is the hard truth. But in any real friendship-if it’s a real friendship at all-must involve both truth and grace. Without accountability, the foundation becomes unfirm. You might as well build your house on quick sand. If you authentically love and genuinely care about one another then you will hold one another accountable-not because it’s easy but because you love and care. Their heart is your heart. If it breaks so too does yours. If it cries out in joy, then yours cries out as well. Sometimes it can be far too easy to lose sight of the meaning and importance behind community with one another. We let our time become consumed by things that are far less important. Suddenly to-do lists and our busy lifestyles get the best of us. Before we know it we have become slaves to our calendars and scheduling books. We being to make less and less time for one another. Sharing life becomes less of a priority as we begin to sadly confuse and seriously mix up our priorities. We being making more time for things we say we value less and less time for things we value more-like community. We do not practice what we preach. We are now caught in a lie and humbled to our core. Our practice fails our theory. My priorities have certainly been pretty screwed up lately. And what I say I value has not been what my actions would prove to justify. Accountability was lost. Hard trust became a less relevant and more foreign term. And what I’ve noticed is this: as distance is created (inevitably as a result of less time being poured into sharing life together), walls are put up. And not just walls-but barricades! We get less vulnerable and put them up around the depths of our inner most beings and hearts. Or at least I can say this is true for me. Suddenly I feel the need to hide the dirty hallways of my heart. I panic that others-those that I love and who love me-will somehow think less of me. It’s a slippery slope and a vicious cycle. And if we don’t catch one another, it is a cycle that can be stayed on for far too long. I don’t know about you, but this is a cycle I want absolutely nothing to do with. Since I’ve come to college and finally learned for the first time in my life about the beauty of community and the real meaning of it, it has become water for me. I thirst for it and when I don’t have it, I don’t feel well at all. We must be poured into before we can ever hope to pour into others. How can we do that without making time for one another? Sharing life together is not and should never be an obligation-but it most certainly is a blessing and a heavenly joy that should be taken full advantage of rather then taken for granted. I have been molded, matured and grown into the person I am today because of these special relationships and strong community that God has blessed me with and used in countless ways. I have been poured into and over flown by love in friendship. Sometimes I consider myself spoiled by it-as if I’m one of the lucky ones who really knows what it feels like to be surrounded by a faithful and grounded community of friends who feel like family. Friends who have come into my life, left footprints on my heart and made me a part of their storybook called life. Friends who deserve a title so much more than “friends” because they are a community that feels like home. Coming home to them is like coming home. I never thought possible to be cared about and discipled and loved the way that I have been since I’ve come to college.

I admit that my priorities have gotten mixed up. Lord knows I have valued by my actions those things which I believe in my heart are of significantly less importance compared to authentic relationships. Last night it hit me that it makes perfect sense as to why life is simply better lately-it’s because the importance ahs begun to be put back on friendship and community. I thank you God for convicting me and opening my eyes to your truth. To this truth. And I thank you for how you have done so through those who love me-who have noticed me slipping away from community and in a loving way have pulled me back. Through these friends you have showed me my wrongs in a truthful yet graceful manner. Thank you for having them reach out to me, hold me accountable, feed me hard truth and love me through it all. And I thank you for reminding me in countless ways recently, the beauty and necessity and joy that is to be found in community with loved ones. Thank you for reminding me that it is water to my lips and a beating pulse to my heart. I have realized just how much this type of rare love is to be treasured and valued. And I’m still realizing it more and more each day as you show it to me in the smallest, yet most wonderful ways. The joy that my heart finds in it has been awaken. And I never want to lose sight of it again. I want the walls down. I want to be completely free. I want to receive truth and grace and to give both as well. I want to put into practice and live out in my daily life what it is I say I value. What Christ values is what my heart desires too-and I want my life to reflect that.

I am 20 years old and I have been shown love in friendship-authentic community. Something that many people may spend their entire lives searching for. I am blessed. I never knew what I was missing until I was given it. It has been found in this life of mine and I thank God for every piece of it. We were meant to live in community with one another after all. Just like the Trinity: Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Our lives are called to reflect that and I cannot deny that that sort of community is something my heart desires and thirsts for. If our lives are made to reflect the Lords then of course we will desire what he desires: community. I long for it. Thank you God for pulling me back by your power and mercy from where I was losing sight of this truth. Thank you for loving me enough that you would surround me with true community-that I may see your love for me reflected in their lives and the ways they love me. I am overwhelmed by your love for me. I look around at these friendships that have become family-these real pieces of relationship-and I am overwhelmed by your presence here with me. I’m caught up in your goodness and completely aware of your beauty. I am left in wonder and awe at how much you love me. Or at least I’m getting a much better picture of it. That is enough to stop me in my tracks and leave me speechless as I fall down on my knees, wrapped up in your love. I have felt your touch as you have touched me through the lives of others. This is the power of the Holy Spirit that cannot be properly explained in words but simply felt in the quenching joy of our hearts. My life is being changed by community. My life has been changed by your love. Community and true love in friendship-it’s a gift from you and its your Holy Spirit completely present-as we love one another and share life together. It’s Christ Jesus loving us through one another. So dear friend, if I can feel you loving me then I can rest assured that it is the Holy Spirit in you, God working through you to show me his love. And then I have no doubt that I’m feeling him and his love for me. God is present and that in itself is a heavenly present.

Resonate with the Word

This evening, as I sit down to write this, I am truly only going to let the lyrics of the song “Offering” (Third Day) and the words from scripture 1 John 4:18 (There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love) resonate in my heart as I reflect and meditate on them. Whatever comes of it I will write down and trust that it is God putting in on my heart-what he wants me to hear, to learn, think and pray about. So Lord Jesus come. Come Lord Jesus Come. Help me to meditate on these lyrics and scripture, that I may be drawn closer to the heart of who you are and all that you have to show me. Open my heart and my mind to you alone Lord and your truth. And may it all be glorifying in your sight and pleasing to you. I come as your child to hear your truth. Speak to my heart o God…

Lord I want to be drawn closer to you. I want to be so overwhelmed by your love for me and the depth of my sin and the death you suffered on that cross for my sake, that I cannot help but fall down on my knees in sweet surrender to you and your love. Your love that showed me how to love. Showed me what it even meant-because you so loved me first. I want to wake up every morning and go to bed every evening with the desire to lay my life down as an offering. To just give it all to you, though it may seem like little, it is all I have. All I have is yours. But right now Lord, that “feeling” that I so badly want doesn’t seem to be there. I can’t seem to realize the depth of my sin or have the desire to surrender down before you on my knees. And then I fear that because of that ugly truth about myself, I will somehow be punished. Something will happen or be taken away as a form of punishment. And now Lord I am led to scripture where I find my only comfort as you tell me there is no fear in love! Perfect love drives out fear! Fear has to do with punishment and that is exactly what I have just experienced. My fear that that “feeling” will not come back or my desire to surrender is forever lost-it is that very fear that has led me to be fearful of wrath and punishment as I feel the weight of my sinful nature. Lord I want to be at rest in your peace knowing your love is perfect and I need not fear. But I also want to be able to look at that ugly sin of mine and then realize you still love me-to be completely overwhelmed that I fall down before you. So maybe it’s not all about the “feeling.” In fact I trust that it is not. Feelings come and go. I cannot equate the working power of the Holy Spirit for a feeling. You are constant-a never ending presence in my life. Feeling flee but you do not. I do not want my hope to be diminished because I do not “feel” what I want to. I want my hope to rest in the fact that you are always with me though feelings may come and go. It is so much more then feelings-it surpasses them all. God I want to look at the suffering in the world and still believe that you’re in it. And I want to suffer if only to become more faithful in you. And then I want to suffer on your behalf-as my lover and my father and my everything. And lay my life down before you as an offering, just as you came and gave up your own life so that a wretched sinner like me might live. I don’t want to live in fear or sleepless nights that you will forsake me. I don’t want to fear that a fire has not or will not burn within me for you. I want my life to be a reflection of how much I love you. Everything I do I want to follow you in it. I want my heart to be softened and my path made straight. I want to go where you want me to go and not according to my own plan. I want my life to reflect you God and not to spend my days going through the motions-doing things without passion or purpose-buffing up my resume or my pride as my integrity and humility fade. I want to be a light in this world so that others may know you and experience your love for them. And I want to take the time to look around me and see how much you love me. I so crave the desire-I want to have the desire even more-to know you, draw near to you, and completely rely and surrender to you and not this world. I want to be in chains of your love. My life-an offering to you my King.

Lost by the world. Found by Christ.

Right now, although I feel lost, thirsty for community, thirsty for the Lord, and ready to release the sin that has been burdening me for far too long-I can say that what I truly want is exactly what the song lyrics “Holy One” (Rush of Fools) sings about. Because I have hurt so many people. I have become complacent and apathetic in my sin and my life. I have lied. I have run in shame and guilt. I have been a coward. I am beginning to see just how dark my sin is. What am I looking for? What am I longing for? What am I desiring and thirsting for? I’m tired of living like this. I want more. I want freedom. Complete freedom from all my deep dark sin. I want fire in me. Renewal of passion. I want t olive again-and not how the world tells me. I have to start somewhere. Do something. But I don’t know what that is or what that looks like. And for the first time I’m trying not to have it all figured out. Not to have the answers as to what I should do from here. I want to so badly just surrender to God and let him take me upon his wings-that I may soar into sweet freedom with him. Away from trying to figure it all out. And right now I have a pen in my hand and I have a Bible next to me. And all I really want is Jesus. I feel like I am drowning in so much dirt and filth. I want to live again. Be honest. Be faithful. Be on fire for the Lord. Because I am so prone to wander….like that Shawn McDonald song, “Hold On” speaks about. I am a wanderer and I so badly want the Lord to hold on to me. I want to hear him, see him, look for him, feel him and follow him. I want to be consumed by his love-every drip, like honey on my lips. I want him to pour out his water onto me so that I might take a sip. Because right now these are dark and lonely streets. And all I really need is him. I don’t want to be lost, confused and wandering anymore. I don’t want to be too proud to admit the truth. And I don’t want a band-aid to cover the wound. I want renewal. I want this busy mind to be cleared as he pours his mercy out on me. I want a new start. I want these chains of my sin to be broken. I want to live and love like Jesus. What am I looking for? I want to be looking for you, Christ. I have a sinful nature that has led me astray. My heart has given into desires of this world-that are not of you. That are unfulfilling. I want to put on the new self, created to be like you. I want to look for you and listen for you. And when I hear you and when I find you=I want to go with you. And do unto others as I would have done unto me. I want the Holy Spirit to pour down on me, cleanse me, and fill me. I’m sick of being tired, bored, lazy, complacent, impassionate and undriven in my faith and life being lived out for the Lord. I want to live a life completely opposite of all these definitions. I want to be naked in all my sin put before you Lord. Naked and broken I come before you. I want to be filled and on fire for you. I want my innermost being to overflow with joy and love for you. I want my life to be your life and to live today for you alone. I want to look around me in this messy and all too imperfect world and find you in all of it. Because you are good and you are perfect. I don’t want to hide or run. I’m tired of being ashamed when I look deep into myself. The hallways of my heart are messy and filthy. I am prideful. I am proud. I am a liar. I am so selfish. I am living a life where my faith and fire for the Lord and serving others has become lazy, apathetic and complacent. I’ve lied to myself only to make myself feel like this isn’t true. I’ve been in denial. But the brutal honest is this: it’s all true. That is how I’ve been living and how I feel. And lying to myself doesn’t help. The ache only deepens and the longing never ceases. A longing for something more. Something real-that these lies I tell to myself cannot provide, because they’re lies and will never be true. I lie to myself about things I long for. I wan them and so I lie to myself that I have them. But I don’t. I only wish I did. All I want is for them to be real. I long to be trustworthy. I long for my family and community. I long to be real-no lies allowed. I long to not feel ashamed or running in guilt. I long to not be apathetic or complacent. I long to be on fire for the Lord, for serving others and for life. I don’t want to lie to myself that these desires are fulfilled in my life right now because they are not. I have been looking all the wrong places to fulfill them. And lying to myself that I have them has done nothing but dig a deeper, lonelier hole in my heart-it has only made the thirst worse. I’m scared that I’m slipping. So far away that I won’t be able to make it back up-like I’ll be stuck here forever. Lord please save me from this awful state. Bring to be a better place. I want to feel again Lord. I want to be on fire again. I am so fearful that I am lost for good. This feels like a nightmare that I cannot wake up from. I can’t do this on my own anymore. I can’t do this alone. God please hear my cry. Whatever is left for this heart to cry out-let it be real. Let it be from a place so real inside of me, that I cannot mistake it for anything but a truthful cry. Let me know that it is a real cry for help. I want to lay myself at your feet, my bare bones and this bare sole and this thirsty heart. I want to lay myself at the foot of your cross with my dirty feet and my dirty face and my sinful hands. And I want your grace. And your mercy. And your forgiveness. And your love. And I want to change. I want to change Lord. Because I love you. Because you first loved me. You have shown me how much you love me. I do not want to run ashamed at who I am-with these dark pockets of my heart. You see it all and still offer me your loving hand and merciful heart. You welcome me in. And I want my heart to be touched by you. I want my heart, my soul, my everything, to cry out to you . I can’t live complacent, going through the motions anymore-Lord get me out of here! Lord please save me. Show me you, truth, something, anything. You say for me to ask and I will receive. Well I ask for you alone. Nothing else. Just you. Please don’t leave me God. You are all I have and all I want to cling to. Where do I go? God, what do I do? And let me heart’s ache cry out to you a real cry for help. Lord do not leave me hear. Do not forsake me. Open up my eyes and ears and mind-so I can know, and hear and see. Open up my heart so I can love you more. I want to serve you God. I want to give you everything my King. Let the enemy not win but may your love overwhelm me so much that I fall before you, captivated and kidnapped into your arms and into safety. Away from this dark place and into the light.

2 Chronicles 15:2-“And if you seek Him, He will let you find Him.”

John 3:19-21: “This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”

Unpacking Colossians Chapter 2:6-8

When I first read through this, the word ‘rooted’ really stuck out to me for some reason. When i think of roots, I think of being strongly grounded so that nothing can shake or move you. When I take time to reflect on my faith in Jesus and just how ‘rooted’ I am in him….it is a very humbling thing. Why? Because I begin to understand just how easy it can be for the world to try to distract us. There are a million things fighting for our attention, trying to pull our eyes off Jesus, trying to ‘unroot’ us from our faith and trust in Christ. But when I think back to all the times (of course I cant remember all of them….) when I have become distracted by the world and tried to give myself (my heart) to these things instead of Christ, over and over again its the same result: I am left unsatisfied, unfilled, simply longing and thirsting for more. My heart is left thirsty and unquenched by the world. Here’s a perfect example of an area in the world that I like to give myself away to, in hopes of finding something that can really only be found ultimately in Christ: I try to find that love, security, self-confidence and approval about myself from other people. But in the end, people are only people….we are sinners who do not live like Adam and Eve once did in Paradise. Instead, we find ourselves in a broken world that our hearts and our lives were not made for. When I find myself still longing for more, it becomes obvious to me that God made my heart and made me for something more, otherwise I would not be longing for it. In a broken and fallen world, I find myself looking to find these things in the world, when they can truly only be found in Christ. I do this with relationships and friendships with others, and in the end, it is the same result: we can never fulfill for one another what only Christ can fill. When we try to fill our heart’s desire by chosing to try and let the world and other people satisfy it, we are reminded and humbled, about just how much we need Jesus and that he alone can fully quench our hearts. These other things of the world may try to ‘root’ us deeply….but they only root us in the substance and ground of this Earth, and this Earth, this world is broken…..so of course we can not be strongly rooted in a materialistic, broken, fallen, world…..We will be shaken, we will be moved if we try to root ourselves in it. The world offers worthless satisfaction, and the satisfaction lasts only for a little bit. It fails to quench our thirsty hearts. We find substitutes in the world that act to quench our thirst. But these substitutes are simply indulgences we give into….and these indulgences are simply affairs of the heart….they are what we give our hearts to instead of giving our hearts to God. And they never fully satisfy us. They only prove to leave us unfilled and disappointed.

 

This leads on into 2:8 when he speaks of deceptive philosophy: there are countless principles and teachings that the world unveils to us that are abusively deceptive. They wound us. They break us. They leave us longing for more. It is a form of knowledge….but it is worldly knowledge rather than the truth and wisdom that comes from Christ alone. I can’t help but think about how many times I have sat in my philosophy classes listening to the lectures and reading the philosopher teachings…..they are all deceptive, fruitless, and are simply worldly knowledge, created by man….because we are longing for something more. We live in a world that we were not meant for…..and this proves to be extremely true when we find ourselves trying to discover for ourselves and for one another some sort of truth and wisdom. We search, and hunt, and thirst for the truth….but we look to the world for it. Philosophers (many of them) spend their lives searching for some sort of truth that the world offers, only to find that there is no truth that we can rest assure of in this world! So after spending years of searching for some version of the light…..they are still left in complete darkness, realizing that the truth does not exist in a worldly form. But many of us are philosophers….in fact, I think at one point or another we all try to be philosophers. We search for wisdom, truth, light that the world is hiding from us. We search as if on some great expedition, looking for something more. And why do you think we are looking for something more? What does this tell us? It tells us that our heart is thirsty for more! That deep down inside of us, at the core of every person’s heart….we long for something real, something more than what this world has to offer us. Think about it this way: If we are spending so much time looking for something in the world only to find that the world fails and cannot satisfy us, that it cannot provide us any real truth or light…..then why do we continue to look so hard for it? We act as if the world is hiding something so deep in its core and crust, that if we simply search a little bit harder, then maybe we will find what we are looking for. But stop! Listen to your heart! What is it telling you? Your heart is crying out…CRYING out for more! And why? Because when man and woman were first created by the hands and breath of God….we were created for something so much more than this broken world….we were created for Paradise. But because of the fall, we find ourselves in a broken world. The cries of our heart, the desires and deepest longings of our heart for something more are extremely real….they are still there, and they cannot be extinguished. We look to the world to satisfy and answer these cries. Or we try to find a solution to extinguish the deep, deep desires of our hearts. So whether we look to the world to quench our thirst, or we look to the world to extinguish the desires we were created to have….we fail both ways. Sure, the world offers countless remedies to quench or extinguish the thirst and desires we have: Lust, Money/wealth/materialism to fill in as a personal comfort, grades/academics/resume, physical appearance, ect….the list simply goes on and on. All of these substitutes, these little indulgences, these affairs of the heart prove to be a worthless and unreliable remedy. They do not solve the problem. They do not give us what we our crying out for.

What Does It Mean To Seek First The Kingdom Of God?

Matthew 6:33 says “Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all else will be given to you.”

God began speaking some truth to me that I did not want to hear. What exactly is it that? Simply this: I was beginning to seek his kingdom out of a selfish motive, out of a personal desire to get what I wanted. Perhaps I should be more clear….

 

It was becoming a waiting game for me. I found myself desiring something so badly that I began to seek God’s kingdom in hopes that if I did, he might give me a green signal, the easy answer I wanted to hear, the answer that would satisfy my worldly desire. I was completely unaware that I was seeking his kingdom out of a selfish motive because I was so caught up in what I WANTED! It became a waiting game, where I was thinking to myself that I was seeking his kingdom out of my love for him and desire to be closer to him, when in reality at the back of my heart and mind, I was hoping that if I did this then he would give me what I wanted. Wow….selfish right? Exactly. When God revealed this truth to me, I was completely stopped in my tracks. I felt as if my heart had literally dropped out of my chest. I was so disappointed in myself and completely embarrassed. How prideful and selfish could I be?!?!

 

Since this revelation, I have experienced God’s grace pouring over me like water. He has been working to humble me from the moment I wake up until the moment I fall asleep. How does God not get tired working as hard as he does to do this?!?! But besides the undeserving grace and humility I have received, I have also been learning something I am so thankful to be learning. Something I had never thought about before God revealed this part of my life to me, but nonetheless, the growth that I have experienced from it is truly a blessing. I am not quite sure if I began to ask God this question or if he began asking me. I have a feeling that it was God who began asking me this question and has been showing me the answer to it ever since. What does it mean to seek first the kingdom of God?

 

I think right now I want to leave this question with you to think about before I go on. I know it has taken a lot of meditation, solitude, peace, quiet, and rest, all in God and His word to truly make me stop and listen to what he is saying. It is so easy to get caught up in the busyness of our every day lives, that we sometimes forget to stop and listen. God is speaking to us everyday, but how often do we forget to listen? I am willing to be more often than not. What I want is for my desire, my thirst to be for Christ alone! I want to know him more, love him more, serve him more. But in this fallen world we live in, I find myself getting consumed by other desires that come form the world. Desires of the flesh, success in school, material, building up my name and being known, and the list goes ON AND ON!!!! In the midst of all these other desires that will never fulfill me, that will never satisfy me, that will leave me empty, why is it that I constantly return to them? If I want my desire and thirst to be for Christ alone and above anything else, how do I keep this the motive and purpose of my live when all these other worldly distractions and desires love to show themselves to me? What does it truly mean to seek first the kingdom of God rather than the worldly desires of this world? 

 

So I leave you with this for now and I hope you will take time to stop and be still and listen to God. It is my prayer that you will pray for him to reveal the truth to this question to you, and rely on the power of prayer to know that it is powerful because God is powerful. Take time to meditate on God and his word and allow him to teach things to you and reveal his truth to you.