Resonate with the Word

This evening, as I sit down to write this, I am truly only going to let the lyrics of the song “Offering” (Third Day) and the words from scripture 1 John 4:18 (There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love) resonate in my heart as I reflect and meditate on them. Whatever comes of it I will write down and trust that it is God putting in on my heart-what he wants me to hear, to learn, think and pray about. So Lord Jesus come. Come Lord Jesus Come. Help me to meditate on these lyrics and scripture, that I may be drawn closer to the heart of who you are and all that you have to show me. Open my heart and my mind to you alone Lord and your truth. And may it all be glorifying in your sight and pleasing to you. I come as your child to hear your truth. Speak to my heart o God…

Lord I want to be drawn closer to you. I want to be so overwhelmed by your love for me and the depth of my sin and the death you suffered on that cross for my sake, that I cannot help but fall down on my knees in sweet surrender to you and your love. Your love that showed me how to love. Showed me what it even meant-because you so loved me first. I want to wake up every morning and go to bed every evening with the desire to lay my life down as an offering. To just give it all to you, though it may seem like little, it is all I have. All I have is yours. But right now Lord, that “feeling” that I so badly want doesn’t seem to be there. I can’t seem to realize the depth of my sin or have the desire to surrender down before you on my knees. And then I fear that because of that ugly truth about myself, I will somehow be punished. Something will happen or be taken away as a form of punishment. And now Lord I am led to scripture where I find my only comfort as you tell me there is no fear in love! Perfect love drives out fear! Fear has to do with punishment and that is exactly what I have just experienced. My fear that that “feeling” will not come back or my desire to surrender is forever lost-it is that very fear that has led me to be fearful of wrath and punishment as I feel the weight of my sinful nature. Lord I want to be at rest in your peace knowing your love is perfect and I need not fear. But I also want to be able to look at that ugly sin of mine and then realize you still love me-to be completely overwhelmed that I fall down before you. So maybe it’s not all about the “feeling.” In fact I trust that it is not. Feelings come and go. I cannot equate the working power of the Holy Spirit for a feeling. You are constant-a never ending presence in my life. Feeling flee but you do not. I do not want my hope to be diminished because I do not “feel” what I want to. I want my hope to rest in the fact that you are always with me though feelings may come and go. It is so much more then feelings-it surpasses them all. God I want to look at the suffering in the world and still believe that you’re in it. And I want to suffer if only to become more faithful in you. And then I want to suffer on your behalf-as my lover and my father and my everything. And lay my life down before you as an offering, just as you came and gave up your own life so that a wretched sinner like me might live. I don’t want to live in fear or sleepless nights that you will forsake me. I don’t want to fear that a fire has not or will not burn within me for you. I want my life to be a reflection of how much I love you. Everything I do I want to follow you in it. I want my heart to be softened and my path made straight. I want to go where you want me to go and not according to my own plan. I want my life to reflect you God and not to spend my days going through the motions-doing things without passion or purpose-buffing up my resume or my pride as my integrity and humility fade. I want to be a light in this world so that others may know you and experience your love for them. And I want to take the time to look around me and see how much you love me. I so crave the desire-I want to have the desire even more-to know you, draw near to you, and completely rely and surrender to you and not this world. I want to be in chains of your love. My life-an offering to you my King.