Stuck Standing Still

It was the strangest feeling. Like nothing I've ever experienced before. As they lay you down to rest, my feet were glued to the grass, my eyes were glued on you, my body was stuck standing still. I was stuck standing still. As the hot tears roll down my face, the hot droplets of sweat rolled down the back of my neck. Standing stuck in all black out in the middle of no where, surrounded by endless green pasture, fields of rolling wheat, the beating hot summer sun making me victim to a shadeless afternoon, it was all I could do to keep from shouting. Shouting out of pure sorrow. Shouting out of pure exhaustion. And yet I couldn't open my mouth. I couldn't speak. I could feel my heart beating and the slow breaths coming in and out, but I couldn't open my mouth to speak. I tried to look away. Tried like hell to look at anything else. But I couldn't. My eyes were stuck on you, as the family and friends walked all around like slow motion ghosts filling the space out of my peripheral view. Nothing could distract me. Not a pat on the back, a firm shoulder placed on my shoulder, the grasp of fingers clenching mine. Not a hug of comfort, a kiss on the forehead. I couldn't be pulled away from this moment. For all I believed at that very moment in time, I was going to be stuck standing still right there on that farmland for the rest of my life...just staring.

I can't remember what exactly I was thinking. The thoughts that were running through my head seem so overwhelming to try and sort through right now. I can't remember how long I stood there. Or what eventually got my attention to look away and wave goodbye. But looking back on it now, when I think earnestly about that moment when I was stuck standing still, I can remember the presence of the Holy Spirit there with me. In me. All around me. And so if I had to bet, I'm willing to bet it was the power of the Holy Spirit that gave me the courage and comfort to unplant my feet, blink my eyes, and let go of the breath I had been holding for what seemed like days.

I may have been stuck standing still, but I was certainly not stuck standing still alone. You were there. My God, you were there. Reminding me of your promise, that although there may be pain tonight, the morning sun will rise again. A promise that still resonates in my heart today as I put one foot in front of the next, each day that comes and goes, knowing that I am never alone. There may be sorrow. There may be unsurpassable pain. There may be sadness and tears and weakness. But you have promised me so much more then any of that. You have promised me hope. Comfort. Life. Heaven. And healing. In you alone there is strength to be found. Endurance to be shared. Perseverance and hope to be captivated by. In you alone there is reason to move forward, one foot in front of the next, despite all the sorrow and all the pain that may come with this time. I will not be stuck standing still forever. Death has been defeated and there is marvelous light to be experienced. My God, I shall not be stuck standing still forever. Because of you, there is hope. There is new life.

On a beautiful Friday afternoon, the rain fell down. The rain fell down as the bright sun shone down all around me. The air was warm. Not a cloud in the sky. But a summer shower fell down all around me, cleansing and drenching me with every good thing you have to offer. On a beautiful Friday afternoon, I felt her. She was letting me know that she was okay. O, how she loved those summer afternoon rains. Sitting on the porch just soaking them in. And on a beautiful Friday afternoon, there she was shining down on me. Now that is beautiful...

"You said that you'd be coming for me soon. O, my God, I'll be ready for you. And I wana run on greener pastures, I wana dance on higher hills. I wana drink from sweeter waters, in the misty morning chill. And my soul is getting restless, for the place that I belong. I can't wait to join the angels and sing my Heaven song."

Thank you Lord....for your goodness, your grace, your promise, your love....and for welcoming her into your heavenly rest.